It really is quite an experience writing this book. I have found it so much harder than playing and recording music, but I have persevered and will not rest until I have completed it. I still have some way to go, having just begun reading my original manuscript and that means rewriting huge amounts, chapters!
But that is not why I'm writing this blog. This blog is about something far more personal and intimate. This blog is about me and God, me and what I really believe in my deepest heart.
I have been confused all my life. My family was not particularly religious or spiritual, although my Grandfather (who I never met) on my Mother's side was a deeply spiritual man who had a book of Confucius' poems, and played guitar. It has only been in the last 12 years, since I have been with Amoda my wife that I have lived any sort of spiritual based life, but even then I'm not sure I can say I have REALLY believed in God. Everything about me has transformed in this time, but always there has been a hole, an inability to rest in the arms of something bigger than me.
Truth is that I have had the 'Doubting Thomas' within alive and thriving inside my self for a long time. Yes, during my years I have had moments of utter clarity of mind and awareness where I have seen the truth of existence and marveled at the ecstatic nature of life, but always I have drifted back to lacking a solid ground for my day to day existence. I still fell into the dark hole of doubt, the hole that has swallowed many a seeker.
I just arrived at Home in myself. I intuitively understood the holy relationship between my consciousness, my body, the Earth and the Heavens. I felt the miracle of all this unfolding, and I felt it beyond any words or descriptions. I stopped trying to understand rationally and just allowed truth to flow through me without trying to grab hold of it and consciously understand it. I surrendered to God's vastness. I knew myself as the Holy Child, perfect and beautiful, as we all are. And I saw how sickness, war, misery, depression, all these are part of a great forgetting of who we really are. There is nothing inherently bad or wrong with any of us, but that we totally forget our true nature and our relationship with the great Mother Earth.
I became a devotee of truth, love, harmony, beauty and natural living.
I feel I have found my Ministry after all these years of searching for answers and being lost and alone. And it is simple and uncomplicated. It is the Natural Law, living lightly and compassionately, remembering that our body is on loan, always turning to God, treating others as I want to be treated, and believing that miracles happen all the time, because I know the truth that anything is possible.
And I feel now I can truly assist others in this simple remembering of our holiness and wholeness.
Quite a day. But before you think it was spectacular, it wasn't. It was actually quite ordinary and normal. Nothing much happened and it was all quite subtle. Sometimes the divine and the blessed hide themselves in the ordinary, so always be alert!
Thanks for reading!
